Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
How's work?
Spinning.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Mom said you looked used
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
