when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
