I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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