it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
