oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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