i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
