marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
