Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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