ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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