All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
