when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
