it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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