If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
