Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
It was like giving head to a cactus.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Holy shit dude........stairs
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
