i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
