I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
