i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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