i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
