First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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