I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
