So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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