Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
