literally had 100 drinks last night.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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