Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
