I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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