I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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