I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
