yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
