If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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