Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
