Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
