I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
