Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
