In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
