weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
