That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
