It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
