when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Randomize
