he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
