I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
