my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
