I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
