i just wanna soil my oats bro
Swine flu. Run for my life!
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
