A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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