Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I wish there were birth control emojis
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
