Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
