Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
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