that's an acceptable place to lick
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
