What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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