Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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