I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
