Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
