it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Randomize
